Ever since my boys were small, there was a budding hero in their hearts. They took to guns and weapons of mass distraction, faster than I can write these words. They were up drainpipes, launching themselves down flights of stairs onto precarious mattresses or walking along the edge of nothingness or exploding stufft that the CIA might find less than amusing, before they even had teeth - thank you Lord that their teeth came later and that they each have a spare set, for they really need it. To this day they both dream of changing the world and ridding it of all the baddies out there. Both had far more effective solutions for Iraq, Iran, Zimbabwe and other trouble spots of this earth, than the trillions of dollars the US spent in coming to a non-resolution.
A correspondent recently observed that boys grow into men that so long to be heroes - useful, wanted and vital. They want to sweep a distressed damself off her feet and change the world around them. They want to make it all better, to raise their families right and also to contribute to society. Yes, I really do believe that every man has the same innate desire to be a genuine hero in the eternal struggle of good versus evil.
Sadly, our heroes are often so blinded by their own needs that they forget the youngsters at home, who have yet to become heroes, but right now just need a hero ... and that's where it all goes wrong.
I have seen grown men go to middle and old age, carrying unspeakable wounds inflicted by their fathers. Their needs are often as simple as watching them when they cry, "Dad watch me" or "Dad come and look at what I have made ... but step carefully because that string goes through that window over the neighbour's wall, through my ear down the toilet and across the street. If you kick it we will all be in big trouble". Oh how many times I have had to chuckle beneath my breath at some of the bizarre but ever intriguing schemes my sons have dreamed up, but how it saddened them when I don't show up.
They actually don't ask much from us, which is good as right now there isn't too much to give. They are also very forgiving, and I need a lot of that. They are also remarkeably easy to please - they rarely need expensive toys or other things to amuse them and would far rather get loving correction than indifference. But they can rarely thrive without the loving support and recognition of their dads. It is as true of girls.
So as much as dads have a great need to be heroes, what their soon-to-be hero children really want is for us to take them on our adventures, so we can all be heroes together. Someone once said, "how can I change the world", to which another replied, "start with your family".
Sadly even if guys wear their underclothes on the outside of their pants or slant their eyes unevenly to show their menace or let their capes blow in the wind as they waft by, the only ones who will truly ever see them as the heroes they have already become ... are at home waiting for you to appear out of the blue.
Tina Turner ground away her gritty, "we don't need another hero", a sentiment that is as true of Dads, because to every little boy and girl in the world and to every unfulfilled woman sitting at home waiting for him to ride in off the streets and conquer her dragons ... the hero they already have is all they really need.
Now here is the upshot. No matter how impressive you may seem to be out there, other equally wounded guys will soon notice the label on your inside-out undies and see right through dark shades or your deep-voiced bluster. But almost in spite of every reasonable fault, your family will still accept you as their hero and forgive you for your inadequacies ... if you will just turn back to them.
(c) Peter Eleazar @ www.4u2live.net
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