About men: one of their greatest needs is to be needed

Decades ago, African men were defined by their prowess. They would carry spear and shields, chant war songs and go off to do battle, if not with their enemy, then with the antelope that frequented their grassy plains. After a hard day’s work the women would cook the food and wait on their warriors. But as the sun retreated below the tall stands of savanna and the thorn trees that stood sentry along the shadowed escarpments, the men would sit around their fires, drinking beer and sharing stories, the light in their eyes enflamed by the legends of bygone eras.

Sadly the world no longer needs their strength. They still stand in huddled groups around brazen fires, where flickering street lights enflame their empty eyes, as they shelter from the emptiness beyond … until the grey shafts of morn restore life to the cold, stone flagstones.

I once had to give a lift to a female colleague whose husband had declined to fetch her from the airport. I asked why, only to be told that “I have my own professional life and can look after myself.” My own reply was, “Then you are getting what you deserve”. No, this is not a criticism of women in the workplace. Not even the bible does that. It is merely a concern for the marginalization of men. Sadly, just as for the African warrior, modern man is becoming redundant.

Irma Bombeck, the great American comedienne, though successful in her own right, publicly confessed her need for her husband. So did Margaret Thatcher. I have worked with other women in powerful positions who managed to retain their femininity and would still proudly walk on the arms of their hubbies. It is not weakness to need a guy, but it may be wisdom. Men need to be needed. That is why they battle so deeply with worklessness or loss of mobility. Unfortunately, I fear the rising trend of violence against women may reflect a primitive need to regain the one thing that always defined them: their prowess.

I don’t care how hard a mom tries to assert authority, a man just has to speak and children listen. Fathers also provide vital inputs to the emerging sexual and spiritual identity of children. Men are also useful in decision making, because they tend to be less emotive, more matter of fact. They are undoubtedly better at ensuring security in the home. They have many vital virtues, not the least being that they are an integral part of social and interpersonal balance. So why are they being marginalized? Or maybe more to the point, why are they being emasculated?

I don’t have the answers but I will end with this: it is ignorant folly to not need your man. Paul said, “submit to your husbands”, but the context was “men love your wives”. As much as a woman needs love, so a man needs respect and a sense of value. Give it, be wise about it, and you will reap great benefits.

(c) Peter Eleazar @ www.4u2live.net