With complex wiring and a broad brain stem, women offer us tinkers, a fascinating, lifelong pastime.A wife also needs to be seen as a whole. She is not a sexual object, nor even a prize to be worn on the arms of proud men. She is a living, breathing wholeness that cries out for completion more than men are able to understand.
Men are quite binary. Feed them, sex them, amuse them and rest them and they are reasonably content.
A man can get by on a fairly business-like partnership with his wife, but that will never fulfill her. She is just too complex. A man can be switched on to his wife (or any other female) in moments and lose interest as quickly, not so for a woman. A man could be as detached from his wife in lovemaking as a client is in a transient moment with a prostitute. His need is somewhat organic, fairly superficial and easily satisfied.
However, many of these supposedly negative attributes have positives. Men are less complex, less inclined to get hung up, but more readily stimulated. We are more fun loving, but better focused, both useful attributes of leadership. Generally men can detach their emotions and arrive at sober, objective decisions more effectively. Those virtues can be very useful to women, who will find a vital sounding board in a sensible man. She will worry more, but he will tend to bring perspective and minimize issues.
So she is really not like us. Her differences make her neither superior or inferior, just uniquely different and most definitely not to be confused, in any way whatsoever, with the unsubtle, basic needs of a man’s buddies. She is no buddy, she is woman.
I cannot hope to articulate the mysteries of women, without betraying my own shallow interpretation of a universal complexity. However, I have been married for some time and have faced many experiences, good and bad, that have given me some wisdom. It is not un-useful to just see her holistically:
She has a mind. Yep guys, she really has. If I knew then what I know now, I could probably have dated the best girls around: by relating to their inquisitive, intelligent minds through stimulating, multi-dimensional interaction. Discussions about food, football or beer are somewhat unchallenging to her, but engage her at a reasonably deep level and you’ll have friend for life. It may surprise many men that woman place relationships above looks and are quite willing to trade male prowess for healthy, stimulating relationships. They are also capable of loving and forgiving a man for all kinds of flaws and inadequacies, as long as the relationship is fulfilling.
She has eyes. Okay so you knew that one and the fact that she can also see around corners. But what I am saying here is that love must be visible, not mere symbols or innuendoes. She values tangible expressions of love and attaches huge value to things like flowers. It may be the least costly way to stimulate the relationship, but as happens at work, we often displace visible expressions of appreciation with cold, symbolic gestures that can go right over the heads of those we supposedly appreciate the most. As Eliza Dolittle sang, “Don’t talk of love, show me”.
She has ears. Oh yeah, you knew that too. So why do you think that it was enough to tell her about your love at the altar and then think that would do. She needs warm whispers floating down her ear canal to the rich strains of romantic music … she just does.
She has a sense of feeling. Her sexuality is not limited to her groin, unlike men who can package every drop of testosterone into a small sack and then go a wandering over hill and dale without coming back for a year and a day. She is a sexual wholeness. Every part of her cries out to be fed. She has nerve endings between her toes and fingers, behind her ears and in the small of her back that are also very sensual. It reminds me of a funny moment when I was cuddling my wife in the kitchen and the toaster popped … a good analogy of her responsiveness. That’s why her groin or breasts alone could never offer full knowledge of the total woman. No wonder Paul had to remind us to love our wives.
She has a heart. Yes, she is an emotional creature, with a profound capacity to love, embrace and care for those around her. She loves to cook (that is an ordeal for many men) and can convey tenderness that comes as close as humans can ever get to the essence of God’s tenderness. She can heal a broken man, give him self-belief, nurse him through illness and restore wounded pride, whilst preparing young lives for future greatness. But, as much as she can give, she also needs to receive.
And so … I give you woman. More complex than e=mc2, more passionate than a wild fire, more subtle than a soft breeze in summer, more multi-faceted than a diamond, more intriguing than the atom, more responsive than a purring cat, more persistent in her love than the waves on a beach and more complete than the greatest engineering can conceive.
God gave her to men so we would never be bored. She keeps us on our toes, never quite sure of ourselves, yet we feel so complete in her acceptance. She is also the great leveler, for only she could say to the greatest of men, “you Shmuck”.
© Peter Eleazar at http://www.bethelstone.com/
Sculture: I am woman, by VICTORIA VARLEY
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