Affection is one of greatest needs of wives, from their husbands: it defines the whole relationship.
Paul said in Ephesians 5, “Husbands, love your wives”. In the same context he also said wives submit to your husbands. I know that is controversial and I really don’t need to go there right now, except to say this: there are reciprocal needs in a relationship. To make the fulfillment of one reasonable, other needs must also be addressed.
I think the world has become “win: win” in its thinking: it is selfish and only acts in response to what it gets. But Godly love is about trust, a trust that says I love fully without expectation of recompense.
When love is betrayed, count that as a violation of trust and deal with it appropriately. I don’t only refer to infidelity, but to any breech of trust between partners. I do not advocate a managed relationship, where each party jealously watches the other – that is not trust and it will also lead to frustration and a sense of being trapped. Trust is trust, the currency of love.
But, get mad, very mad and be totally offended when trust is broken. In football a yellow card is used to cite first offences, followed by a red card, discipline, suspension and all kinds of problems for any player who violates the spirit of the game. I advocate much the same for marriage – it is unacceptable to violate the spirit of a relationship and both parties need to be clear about their response to such infringements.
So the first rule about love in marriage, is trust. It is about love given without any expected compensation. The power to compensate is not demanded by the giver, but freely given by the receiver: else it is not love but duty. That is exactly how God loves us: unconditionally. He also gets really angry and has done dangerous things when His trust in people has been violated.
Love for a woman, is somehow connected to her optic ad auditory nerves. The more she is loved, the more it blinds and deafens her to a husband’s otherwise obvious flaws. I think that is true of God as well, for His Word says, "Love covers a multitide of sins (flaws)". His relationship with us is not rule-based or petty, but noble, focusing on love and mutuality, not faults. Faults become the currency of religion, when our faith becomes one of duty and dogma.
Love for a woman, builds her up and gives her the support she needs to be the woman she was meant to be. She will actually start to look more lovely and shapely, just because of love. I read a psychiatrist’s report on his treatment of a young lesbian (butch) woman. Evidently she had become butch because she had tried to be the husband to her mother that her father never was. It tightened her buns, her back, her torso and her neck to give her awkward male looks. When the doctor helped her to forgive her Dad and let go of what she could never change, she become more aware of her femininity. As that brought a lover into her life, her tightness visibly evaporated and she developed normal feminine curves. The curves expressed her sense of fulfillment in womanhood, but it will take less than a repressive father to turn a lovely young bride into a spotty, unkempt fishwife.
A woman must feel loved and desirable, if she is to express desirable characteristics. She is like a canvas, the husband like a painter. He has the power to transform her potential into something beautiful, just as Christ did for His church. She is like a musical instrument and he has the power to extract the sweetest song, the greatest beauty from even a relatively plain looking woman.
I have observed hardness in many externally beautiful women, contrasted by a desirable softness and warmth in many lesser beauties. The determining factor is an inner beauty that comes from a deep sense of well-being and fulfillment. Happy is the man, who having so pleased his wife, enjoys the fruits of his labors.
© Peter Eleazar at http://www.bethelstone.com/
Paul said in Ephesians 5, “Husbands, love your wives”. In the same context he also said wives submit to your husbands. I know that is controversial and I really don’t need to go there right now, except to say this: there are reciprocal needs in a relationship. To make the fulfillment of one reasonable, other needs must also be addressed.
I think the world has become “win: win” in its thinking: it is selfish and only acts in response to what it gets. But Godly love is about trust, a trust that says I love fully without expectation of recompense.
When love is betrayed, count that as a violation of trust and deal with it appropriately. I don’t only refer to infidelity, but to any breech of trust between partners. I do not advocate a managed relationship, where each party jealously watches the other – that is not trust and it will also lead to frustration and a sense of being trapped. Trust is trust, the currency of love.
But, get mad, very mad and be totally offended when trust is broken. In football a yellow card is used to cite first offences, followed by a red card, discipline, suspension and all kinds of problems for any player who violates the spirit of the game. I advocate much the same for marriage – it is unacceptable to violate the spirit of a relationship and both parties need to be clear about their response to such infringements.
So the first rule about love in marriage, is trust. It is about love given without any expected compensation. The power to compensate is not demanded by the giver, but freely given by the receiver: else it is not love but duty. That is exactly how God loves us: unconditionally. He also gets really angry and has done dangerous things when His trust in people has been violated.
Love for a woman, is somehow connected to her optic ad auditory nerves. The more she is loved, the more it blinds and deafens her to a husband’s otherwise obvious flaws. I think that is true of God as well, for His Word says, "Love covers a multitide of sins (flaws)". His relationship with us is not rule-based or petty, but noble, focusing on love and mutuality, not faults. Faults become the currency of religion, when our faith becomes one of duty and dogma.
Love for a woman, builds her up and gives her the support she needs to be the woman she was meant to be. She will actually start to look more lovely and shapely, just because of love. I read a psychiatrist’s report on his treatment of a young lesbian (butch) woman. Evidently she had become butch because she had tried to be the husband to her mother that her father never was. It tightened her buns, her back, her torso and her neck to give her awkward male looks. When the doctor helped her to forgive her Dad and let go of what she could never change, she become more aware of her femininity. As that brought a lover into her life, her tightness visibly evaporated and she developed normal feminine curves. The curves expressed her sense of fulfillment in womanhood, but it will take less than a repressive father to turn a lovely young bride into a spotty, unkempt fishwife.
A woman must feel loved and desirable, if she is to express desirable characteristics. She is like a canvas, the husband like a painter. He has the power to transform her potential into something beautiful, just as Christ did for His church. She is like a musical instrument and he has the power to extract the sweetest song, the greatest beauty from even a relatively plain looking woman.
I have observed hardness in many externally beautiful women, contrasted by a desirable softness and warmth in many lesser beauties. The determining factor is an inner beauty that comes from a deep sense of well-being and fulfillment. Happy is the man, who having so pleased his wife, enjoys the fruits of his labors.
© Peter Eleazar at http://www.bethelstone.com/
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