What's happening to me

Changes that happen in adolescents are wondrous, powerful and scary. Stay close and support them..

When my firstborn crossed the invisible line of childhood, shut that door and passed into manhood, we honored the moment. Over the ensuing year he was farmed out to other significant men in my culture for mentorship and preparation. Then the day came and we had a party to which only adults were invited – to avoid embarrassment and because of the poignancy of the moment.

Tim was baptized that day, then we had a sumptuous meal in his honor. Afterwards the guests shared insights and scriptures with him, providing inclusion and a sense of belonging for Tim. Later I gave him a basic wooden box, in which was written “we have this treasure in earthen vessels that the glory may be of God and not ourselves.” In the box was a broken wineglass, symbolizing the fragility of life and how difficult it is to repair what we break. A burnt scroll alluded to an earlier lesson about fire – it contained words of inspiration and acceptance that were witnessed by each person present. A compass symbolized direction, a penknife symbolized resourcefulness. All of these gifts were given so that in the years to come Tim will be able to reflect on the most significant moment of his life and draw inspiration.

When we were done, Tim delivered an acceptance speech and then Paula, Dan and I held him close, something he was uncomfortable about. But this was followed by a symbolic pushing away and entrusting of his life to other men. I said, “having held you so close, we now let you go for these are now your brothers, fathers (and mothers and sisters)’, just as Jesus once said.

I made the point that although the passage to manhood bridged an invisible line, the differences either side of the line were as significant as the differences for people living either side of a national border. Things may look the same, but rights, responsibilities, entitlements, status and identity are compellingly different.

Now, some months later that reality has hit home and Tim has felt the mantle of manhood settle on his shoulders. He is facing all the challenges that go with it; peer pressure, sexual pressure, performance pressure, responsibility, self-management and so much more.

I refuse to call him a teenager and his new school addresses him as a gentleman. Whoever invented the stereotypes of teenagerdom had a dim view of the potential and dignity of this awesome season in a young person’s life.

Now, as Tim confronts his struggles he is reminded that on the day we honored him, we also broke the rod of authority in half and cast that it into his memory box. Now is not a time for instruction, but rather a time for coaching and support. Young people have enormous potential and just need counsel, prayer, a ready ear and an empathetic heart (to every subject they raise), in order to cope with the challenges facing them.

If you love your children, go and do likewise.

© Peter Eleazar at http://www.bethelstone.com/