We didn't start the fire ..

Boys will be boys. Fire is in their hearts and loins. It was always that way and it will always be that way. It is part of their mystique. It defines their power. It describes their adventurism. But most of all it will be the mark of their manhood.
Some time back, my firstborn set fire to our backyard. It was an inferno that drew neighbours who came to our rescue with hosepipes and other help. At one point I heard the neighbour shout, "What happened?" I replied, "I have sons". It was explanation enough.

This was not the first incident either. A few years ago the same boy got me involved in an experiment that blew up in our faces. I received 2nd and 3rd degree burns, which almost completely healed.

After the more recent fire I sat my son down, knowing he needed to be debriefed to move on. However, as his traumur was punishment enough I went easy on him. I also had a most teachable moment that I was not about to waste.

I said to him that men have always had fire. They harnessed it to warm their caves, cook food, protect their families from marauding beasts and ward off enemies. More recently they shaped fire into guns and bombs that they used to win wars for king and country.

But I then went on to say that, as much as fire and our instinct to burn things is wired into the male brain, it is our ability to control fire that defines us.

When we stop spilling fire, burning down the neighbourhood or scalding cats, we must prove our maturity through self-management.

I then referred to another fire, the fire that would burn in his groin. At the time our school wanted the youth to go through a promise ceremony and accept a ring as a symbol of their commitment to purity until marriage. Because my son had no concept of what was at stake I waved off the ring, much to his chagrin.

Two years later he turned to me in a quiet moment and said, "Dad, now I understand why you would not let me wear that ring." I then offered him a ring, but on his terms. He delined, not because he had other plans, but because we had a sound basis to work through such struggles together. He knows I pray for him and it is enough.

However, after the fire I said, "one of the things that will mark a man is his ability to manage and channel the awesome power that God has vested in him, in order to harness his fire for life, not destruction and wantoness

He looked at me knowingly and understanding passed between us. A teachable moment came and went and a foundation was laid that will hopefully see him through to adulthood and beyond. It was the most and the least I could give him as he faces one of the great dilemmas of manhood: we need sexual energy to give us drive and verve, yet we need to manage it as proof of our character and validation of our manhood.

(c) Peter Eleazar at www.bethelstone.com