Corporal discipline of children

It has is or is becoming universally illegal for parents to use corporal punishment in the home. I hate the term “corporal punishment”, because it does not reflect God’s heart, but it does introduce the points I wish to make.

God’s call is to discipline, which implies instruction, loving instruction. The acid test of good discipline is a good disciple. If discipline induces a noble change of heart and a deep internalisation of values, it is a good thing. If discipline is just about hitting, then it is hitting, not discipline.

Some day, children near you might sue their parents for smacking them. It would be a tragic day, but when it does come, don’t blame the law, blame the home. If a parent whose behaviour is devoid of loving instruction hits a child, chances are good that the child will regard the action as abuse, not as just or fair discipline. Children have an inbuilt sense of justice and will respect the disciplines imposed by fair and loving parents.

A child was smacked in a US car park. Some bystander screamed at the parents and threatened to report them to the authorities, to which the “victim” said, “Dad what’s wrong with that woman”. Where discipline is lovingly applied within a context of wise instruction, it is highly unlikely that a child would run to the authorities. Children actually value discipline, because it gives them a sense of security and if it is done with the right heart, they will see it as a loving expression of your interest in their wellbeing.

The modern trend away from corporal discipline has all kinds of roots. There was a time when abuse of slaves was allowed and then rightly prohibited. The abuse of women is still widely practised around the world and that is also wrong. Bullying in school is just as wrong and the increasing trend in child abuse is most definitely wrong. It is useful to understand why legislators currently want to address corporal punishment, especially given the extent of child abuse in our society.

However, whilst I deplore child abuse of any form, I must balance the debate with an equally relevant observation, namely that, “The neglect of loving discipline is also abusive”. Universally, parents are already tending to opt out on what is probably our defining role in life, so once the law takes its course there could be universal abdication of discipline in the home? I would be a very worried child if that were the case.

Consider that discipline could steer your children away from drugs, crime, aids, social problems, struggling careers, poor sportsmanship, low self-esteem, disregard for social order … I would rather take steps to avoid that, regardless of what people say.

Society seems so inclined to over-correct. We readily throw the baby out with the bathwater (which I believe is not very good for babies). We need to find a balance in the current debate. Denying the rights of a parent, to parent, surrenders the next generation to the discipline of gangs, bullies and hoodlums. No one will be able to legislate against that, but it is the next logical step in our regression to anarchy.

I came across the following list of reasons for not spanking:

Hitting, models hitting – I agree, that’s why we speak of loving discipline rather than hitting as such. However, when a smack is appropriate, it will never model hitting, it will model responsibility.

Hitting devalues a child – I was subject to what may be described as abuse and even that did not devalue me. However, loving discipline entrenches self-respect and dignity in a child.
Hitting devalues the parent – On the contrary, it restores respect to parents and provides boundaries. Reneging on discipline devalues parents, because everyone else has to live with the consequences.
Hitting does not improve behaviour – I don’t want to improve bad behaviour, I want to stop it. Smacking, used wisely and selectively can stop a whole lot of things, including the symptoms of insecurity.

Spanking is unbiblical – that may be true for some people, but not for the bible most widely used in our culture. Accordingly, I have ignored the rest of the list as well.

Someone once said, “Let a pig and a boy have their own way and you’ll have a good pig and a bad boy” – you will also have a happy pig and a sad boy. Don’t ever underestimate the unique capacity parents have been given to bring discipline to their homes and the significant difference it will make to the children entrusted to our care. Dare to discipline.

(c) Peter Eleazar at www.bethelstone.com