About men: They need to be heroes ... but who needs another hero?

Ever since my boys were small, there was a budding hero in their hearts. They took to guns and weapons of mass distraction, faster than I can write these words. They were up drainpipes, launching themselves down flights of stairs onto precarious mattresses or walking along the edge of nothingness or exploding stufft that the CIA might find less than amusing, before they even had teeth - thank you Lord that their teeth came later and that they each have a spare set, for they really need it.

To this day they both dream of changing the world and ridding it of all the baddies out there. Both had far more effective solutions for Iraq, Iran, Zimbabwe and other trouble spots of this earth, than the trillions of dollars the US spent in coming to a non-resolution.

About men: one of their greatest needs is to be needed

Decades ago, African men were defined by their prowess. They would carry spear and shields, chant war songs and go off to do battle, if not with their enemy, then with the antelope that frequented their grassy plains. After a hard day’s work the women would cook the food and wait on their warriors. But as the sun retreated below the tall stands of savanna and the thorn trees that stood sentry along the shadowed escarpments, the men would sit around their fires, drinking beer and sharing stories, the light in their eyes enflamed by the legends of bygone eras.

Sadly the world no longer needs their strength. They still stand in huddled groups around brazen fires, where flickering street lights enflame their empty eyes, as they shelter from the emptiness beyond … until the grey shafts of morn restore life to the cold, stone flagstones.

About men: they are caught in a conflict of expectations, that point back to God

My family has been through a long season of struggle. After a series of life-class setbacks, the final blow came with the failure of a business and my inability to get reemployed. That resulted in the loss of our life savings and many other deep struggles. Well, such is life. God has been faithful anyway and He has always provided our daily bread. He has also used our experience to shape us to His will and to equip us for whatever lies ahead.

Yesterday my wife had an honest moment with me. Now that we are at the bottom of the barrel she questioned whether I was doing enough to address the crisis. The fact that I have faced countless disappointments, is besides the point, but as she expressed disappointment in me for failing to meet her needs, I in turn said, “I feel the same about God”.

About men: Why men outperform women

Men best women in almost every sphere of achievement. It is empirically true. The best chefs are men, men are better in almost every known sport, in non-athletic sports like golf or sailing, men still outrank women. Throughout biblical history, there was one female judge, no female monarchs, but endless male leaders. Throughout human history, men have built roads, bridges, empires and great structures. Men invented and perfected aircraft, motor cars, the space shuttle, weapons … they have excelled everywhere.

About wives: See the whole me

With complex wiring and a broad brain stem, women offer us tinkers, a fascinating, lifelong pastime.

A wife also needs to be seen as a whole. She is not a sexual object, nor even a prize to be worn on the arms of proud men. She is a living, breathing wholeness that cries out for completion more than men are able to understand.

Men are quite binary. Feed them, sex them, amuse them and rest them and they are reasonably content.

A man can get by on a fairly business-like partnership with his wife, but that will never fulfill her. She is just too complex. A man can be switched on to his wife (or any other female) in moments and lose interest as quickly, not so for a woman. A man could be as detached from his wife in lovemaking as a client is in a transient moment with a prostitute. His need is somewhat organic, fairly superficial and easily satisfied.

About wives: Our men must live in authority

Another male role is to anchor roles and be a backbone of authority in healthy, balanced families.

The need for authority is a tough and thorny subject to work through.

Let me start by bringing some balance. I believe women all over the world have been oppressed for far too long, yet they have so ably proved themselves in the workplace and in the life of the church. Many ministers will tell you that the backbone of their congregations comprises women and many bosses will tell of the competence of women employees. They are also more resilient, able to multi-task and blessed with a very real intuition that is vital to effective decision-making in politically tainted contexts. Solomon also recognized these virtues in Proverbs 31:10-31.

I have spoken in a separate context about the social order of the African Lion and shown how the females do most of the real stuff that keeps the pride going. They obviously bear and raise the next generation, but they also hunt for food, hold the pride together, train the younger lions and so on. The males don’t do as much, but their focus is vital to the sustainability of the pride.

I will build you a house

After a long, dry season, we put our house up for sale. It took the last half of that season to sell, but a year later an offer was placed before us. That night I talked to my family about the offer and we all reflected on how much we had loved the house that God had given us to live in. After supper I retired early as I wanted to sleep on the offer and get up early to pray about it.

As I prepared for bed, I felt God urging me to open my bible. I then read from Psalm 126, David speaking, "I have love the house that you gave us to live in". It was an uncanny moment, but the NIV specifically cast David's word in the past perfect tense. I sensed God was acknowledging that we needed to let go of something of value and He was showing us that this was of Him.

I read further and at the end of the chapter, God spoke to David and said, "I will place level ground beneath you". All building starts with a leveling process, using foundations to create an artificial level that is vital to sound building. The greatest of builders knew that we needed solid ground for our future, but He also knew that we needed a foundation that would ensure a sound structure in our lives. In place of the uncertainty that faced us, God now revealed a future of certainty.

In Psalm 127 David speaks of building on a solid rock and making God His house, His dwelling place. This spoke to of finding security, not in brick and mortar, but in the purposes of God. In fact, David, in Psalm 23, implied that finding a dwelling in God was a permanent thing. He confirmed that surely goodness and mercy would stay with Him always and that He would dwell in God's house forever.

David was a man given to building. He and his descendants built a physical house for a spiritual God, but mighty as her walls were, Jerusalem fell - time and time again. He also sought to build a temple for God, but that task fell to His son Solomon, but magnificent as Solomon's labors were, his workmanship barely outlasted the corruption of his own heart.

As the nation slumped into a moral morass, the Persians plundered the city and led her people into captivity. The Romans also occupied the City and Herod, who built a new and truly awesome temple, occupied the walls of Jerusalem with a Roman guard. Titus then razed the city to the ground in AD70 and the Muslims later built the "abomination of desolation" on Judaism's most sacred temple mount. Even now a portion of the ancient city is in Palestinian hands.

As the great wall of China kept away the enemy without but failed to stop the enemy within, so David's city, a symbol of security and refuge, failed to be a true house.

But God promised in 2 Samuel 7, to establish a house for David that would never fail and that would give him a secure rest from his struggles. The concept of a "house" in the bible, refers to a legacy, a lineage. Moses was a servant in his own house, but Jesus is a son over his house (Hebrews 3). The house of Abraham referred to his descendants that would become like the stars of the sky and the sands of seashore for multitude. It was the idea of a lasting legacy that kept Abraham faithful to God's call and it so appealed to his grandson, Jacob, that he fought with all his heart for that which Esau could never appreciate.

David's house became the most durable culture of history. Even when his descendants were scattered or taken into captivity, they prevailed. They never forsook their heritage and remain as entrenched in their deep values. They fight like a tiger with cubs for their promised land and their holy city and will willingly sacrifice all for the unsearchable riches of the greatest heritage.

A house is secured by its walls and foundations, but a home is built and sustained by God. Walls keep out criminals, who rarely hurt the home, as such. But God protects us from the ravages of the world. He establishes our hearts and minds, and keeps them whose minds are stayed on Him. Therefore we will see our children's children (Ps 128).

Too many parents fret about security and the physical safety that a house offers, but it is better that we trust God to establish a house, a heritage, destiny, lineage and legacy that will outlast us and touch generations to come.

Two mid-west families sired four generations. The one family was given to drunkenness and coarse living and their ultimate descendants included a string of prostitutes, drug addicts, alcoholics, jail birds and miscreants. The other family, though poor, established a Godly heritage. As such their descendants today include doctors, lawyers, social pillars and prosperity. Evidently one of those descendants was a vice president of the US. Which parent would you rather be - one that is safe behind your walls, but unable to protect your family from the corruption of this world, or one that jealously preserves our precious heritage for the generations to come. The former may have a house, but the latter will have an enduing home.

(c) Peter Eleazar at www.bethelstone.com

Good news

Crocodile Harris sang, “Please give me the good news.” One of the verses says:

If I accept the word “forever”
Maybe we should live together
and not be scared to watch the late night news.
You can't use guns to build a nation,
a bullet never was creation

Somewhat haunting words and they go straight to one of the greatest issues of our time, crime and violence. We all fear it, we all hate it, we all want our government to stop it and no one feels enough is being done.

Mayor Rudolph Giuliani transformed New York from the world’s crime capital into a flourishing city. He imposed discipline on New York, through “zero tolerance” of all offences. One thing led to another and the crime and the grime was uprooted. This brought tourists in, tills began to ring, people prospered, everyone benefited and only criminals were worse off.

Crime and violence reflects a lack of discipline in home and society

Governments express deep concern about opportunism and ill discipline, especially within their own ranks and among the youth. Crime and corruption threatens the fabric of our society and the sustainability of democracy, which would hurt the economic and social prospects of all.

Their concerns are reflected by broader evidence of “dissing” amongst children, rampant abuse of cellphones, violence in schools and a general regression of social order – on the roads, in public offices, everywhere.

Declining discipline levels in UK schools and the misguided tolerance of bad behaviour amongst children, encourages kids to swear at teachers and threaten violence. There are some controls, but its not enough and anti-social behaviour could become a runaway phenomenon that will eventually hit the economy, foreign investment and social stability.

Not long ago some learners, in our own school, admitted that they felt a thing was only wrong when they were caught doing it. They were quite happy to disobey the rules of the school without any conscience. Thankfully they are now testing their moral theories elsewhere.

We may be a generation away from a social disaster, yet we are but one generation beyond what was once a respectful and ordered society. How quickly things have degenerated. How urgently we must act to preserve life for our children and their children. Discipline is our collective struggle..

A call to action – a reasonable response to the issues

Christians will never be free of these social issues. In fact if we over regulate it, we could repress character and undermine the moral responsibility of our children – not an objective of good education. Indeed, our job is to buidl a value system that facilitates confident self-management in children, for they are not ours - we must ultimately equip them for that moment when we return them to God and His divine purpose for their lives and then they must get on with it. Repression will rob them of self-motivation, responsibility and independence.

So we need to live with many imperfections and govern it all wisely, without creating a stifling, cold and regimented system. We should also remain real and relational. Thus parents and teachers must be able to laugh and cry and be very human, whilst still maintaining high standards of education and discipline.

Parents may feel that the subject of discipline is challenging. It is certainly not my desire to be insensitive to parents that are trying hard, despite the struggles of balancing work, home and other priorities. But, you also cannot outsource parental guidance – discipline must start at home and parents and teachers need to find ways to work together to instil a culture of discipline and respect in all learners.

Fair and loving discipline is not hard to impose, is always respected by children and is the most obvious way to protect our children from social corruption. Don’t feel threatened by this, rather lets help each other to help them. When we are divided, children will divide and conquer, but when we work together we will equip them for life, peace and happiness.

Unless we act, we face a greater struggle

When Winston Churchill warned the world of war, they ignored him. When the clouds of war gathered over Europe they still ignored him, and Harold McMillan naively shook hands with evil, saying: “We have peace in our times”. Then the bombs started falling, but it was too late.

So I must now say to this generation: don’t ignore the real threats of indiscipline. Crime and corruption reflect a lack of social maturity and an absence of discipline, a psychosis that has destroyed many nations. Left to itself, the same tragedy will befall our world and hurt the very people we seek to help.

So, I can’t give you good news, as such. Yet there still is good news: for we can still make a difference and there is still hope. With God, ALL things are possible!

(c) Peter Eleazar at www.bethelstone.com