About men: They need to be heroes ... but who needs another hero?

Ever since my boys were small, there was a budding hero in their hearts. They took to guns and weapons of mass distraction, faster than I can write these words. They were up drainpipes, launching themselves down flights of stairs onto precarious mattresses or walking along the edge of nothingness or exploding stufft that the CIA might find less than amusing, before they even had teeth - thank you Lord that their teeth came later and that they each have a spare set, for they really need it.

To this day they both dream of changing the world and ridding it of all the baddies out there. Both had far more effective solutions for Iraq, Iran, Zimbabwe and other trouble spots of this earth, than the trillions of dollars the US spent in coming to a non-resolution.

About men: one of their greatest needs is to be needed

Decades ago, African men were defined by their prowess. They would carry spear and shields, chant war songs and go off to do battle, if not with their enemy, then with the antelope that frequented their grassy plains. After a hard day’s work the women would cook the food and wait on their warriors. But as the sun retreated below the tall stands of savanna and the thorn trees that stood sentry along the shadowed escarpments, the men would sit around their fires, drinking beer and sharing stories, the light in their eyes enflamed by the legends of bygone eras.

Sadly the world no longer needs their strength. They still stand in huddled groups around brazen fires, where flickering street lights enflame their empty eyes, as they shelter from the emptiness beyond … until the grey shafts of morn restore life to the cold, stone flagstones.

About men: they are caught in a conflict of expectations, that point back to God

My family has been through a long season of struggle. After a series of life-class setbacks, the final blow came with the failure of a business and my inability to get reemployed. That resulted in the loss of our life savings and many other deep struggles. Well, such is life. God has been faithful anyway and He has always provided our daily bread. He has also used our experience to shape us to His will and to equip us for whatever lies ahead.

Yesterday my wife had an honest moment with me. Now that we are at the bottom of the barrel she questioned whether I was doing enough to address the crisis. The fact that I have faced countless disappointments, is besides the point, but as she expressed disappointment in me for failing to meet her needs, I in turn said, “I feel the same about God”.

About men: Why men outperform women

Men best women in almost every sphere of achievement. It is empirically true. The best chefs are men, men are better in almost every known sport, in non-athletic sports like golf or sailing, men still outrank women. Throughout biblical history, there was one female judge, no female monarchs, but endless male leaders. Throughout human history, men have built roads, bridges, empires and great structures. Men invented and perfected aircraft, motor cars, the space shuttle, weapons … they have excelled everywhere.

About men: We don't need another hero

Ever since my boys were tots they have cried out "watch me Dad", before diving down a full staircase onto the mattresses far below or exploding a home-made incendiary device or doing a double-somersault into the pool or walking along a parapet above a 3,000 foot sheer drop or launching a rocket or, more recently, to review their academic progress. I never had girls so I can't comment on that, already complex mystery.

The need for approval and recognition is a powerful driver in men. It was the key driver behind all the greatest waves of history. Unfortunately it is also misplaced.

So having upset a whole lot of ladies I am now upsetting a whole lot of guys

The Stranger in our House

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mum taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger... he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.

About men: they have greater needs for identity

One of the greatest needs of men is directly linked to one of their greatest vulnerabilities: the toughest of men are all susceptible to their egos. As such a little woman can stand up to a big man and tear him down with words or rejections.

The Scots have the most unshakable accent in the world. I have met Scots that are more than 50 years removed from their homeland, but whose accents are as stubborn as ever. I once heard of a woman who applied for a job. A condition of employment was to lose the accent, which she did, thereby proving that it is possible to shake, even if it is undesirable to do so. That stubbornness is because their cultural identities (kilts, bagpipes, traditions, symbols, food) are so strong and vivid, which firmly anchors the Scots to their roots.

About men: the real role of Father-hood is a noble calling

This cartoon says it all on this Father's day 2010. A busy father was nagged by his son to go fishing. Eventually he could not put it off so he cleared a day in his diary and did it (I don't like fishing either, but I love being with my sons). Afterwards the father wrote in his diary, "worst day of my life". The boy subsequently died in an accident and the father had to tidy up his room, a process that stumbled on the boy's diary. As the father sat down to page through the book he came to the day when the two went fishing - the inscription said, "best day of my life".

The lesson in this story is for fathers to never underestimate their value to growing chidren. There is evidence that the sexual identity of boys and girls is derived from their fathers as is their concept of an angry, absent or loving God.

About men: Biblical manhood

I have often heard leaders defend a masculine model of manhood, arguing that a man must be sweaty and brawny. Why do we need to tidy up incongruencies by putting people into stereotypical boxes and why do we insist on selecting leaders based on impressions whilst God looks on the unseen heart?

The fact is that like so like so many others, I am not that good at sport, nor am I brawny. My center of gravity is more in my heart and mind. I am a thinker and, like David, very reflective – a writer of poetry and books. I have also paid many prices for standing my ground on issues of consequence. Many other men who would pass the brawn and sweat test, still fail where it most counts – in their responsibilities to life and family.

About men series: What is the value of a man?

The blood, sweat and toils of brave men laid the foundations of human development, but the world we live in seems intent on rendering men redundant. They have contributed so much to history and the modern world owes them such a debt of gratitude, yet the same world seems to have fotgotten all that went before. It seems that society has lost its sense of the value of a man. Is it just my perception? What do you think?

In times before time, men fought wild beasts and rival tribes to preserve the gene-pool that became the stepping off point for modern civilization. They also crafted primitive tools and then developed those into ever more sophisticated instruments that became the key building-blocks of human advancement. Later they applied their sweat, power and specialist skills to tame the accursed soil and extract its abundant riches.

Through the middle ages, masons devoted their brief life-times to the building of churches, castles, battlements and villages, many of which still stand to this day thanks to profound craftsmanship, unstinting commitment and a willingness to defend their heritage to the last man. From the dawn of the industrial age, men hunked heavy objects and drove dangerous machines in appalling conditions, to provide the new world with its vital infrastructure. Then through the 20th century tens of millions of young men laid down their lives to protect the free world from dark, oppressive forces. Thanks to them the modern world is not led by mad-men, but by reasonable people who have preserved the order that others fought so hard to establish.

The mark of a man

What does the bible reveal about the issue? Does a biblical man need to be big, hairy, strong, sweaty and manly? I don't think so. I won't refute than many biblical men were just that, but I cannot concede that it is either a prerequisite or a defining feature of biblical manhood.

I have met far too many big, mean guys who were also quite weak on matters of principle, decision making, leadership of their homes, defence of values or engagement of social issues - Indeed often brawn is a cover-up for other inadequacies. Yet I have seen many less impressive and often softer-spoken men take on giants, fight for the truth and engage issues of concern to the world around us, whilst still finding time to lead their families with integrity and passion.

Jim Collins, in his great book on good to great leadership, sifted through all the leaders of the America to arrive at just ten great leaders, all of whom were soft-spoken and self-deprecating, yet fiercely resolute.

We are always on dangerous ground when we stereotype people and that is no less true of male stereotypes. It would be as wrong for me to argue that a man should be big, hairy and brawny as it would be for me to exclude less physical or slighter men, purely on the basis of impressions.

So what are our biblical precedents?

Cain was a man of the earth, who bent his back to the hot sun, to sweat and toil every day. He was man's man, maybe, but when He tried to foist his manliness on God, he was rejected and found wanting. God found no delight in the fruit of his toils, no pleasure in the produce of the earth. Abel on the other hand was a pastoral man, given to the gentler pursuits of shepherding that which had been entrusted to him. His faithful stewardship enabled him to offer a better sacrifice to God and thus found God's approval, to the murderous chagrin of his foolish, weak-minded sibling.

Esau was another man's man. Hairy would be an understatement. His name alluded to his hairiness and he was red as well, not to mention strong, physical and given to manly pursuits like hunting. Yet he had no clue about his heritage and no inclination to fight for that heritage. He also felt he had a birthright to God's favor without any obligation to steward what would so be entrusted to him. God would have none of that. He had no inclination, as the Great Steward, to entrust a significant dynasty and all that it stood for, to a foolish airhead. Instead God turned to the lesser of the two brothers, the one that the men of that culture had maginalized in favor of beefy Eau. Jacob never dropped the ball. He too was a pastoral man, caring for what was entrusted to him as he also did with the great heritage that Isaac reluctantly ceded to him.

David, the greatest of all Jewish kings, was also a shepherd, of sheep and men. He was a man of poetry and music (he must have been gay??), an immensely courageous fighter, a deeply principled man and a faithful friend - up his love for Jonathon exceeded the love of woman, but it was a quintessentially manly relationship of a depth that I have rarely witnessed between real men.

So my definition of a man is that he should be pastoral first: caring for all that is entrusted to him, namely his own life, his family and the community. He should be a priestly intercessor of those in his care and he place such things above his own ego or selfish needs. He should fight for his constituencies and lay down his life if need be. The same man should be able to stand before God at the end of his life and give a noble account of all that was entrusted to him.

Therein is the mark of a real man.

(c) Peter Eleazar at www.bethelstone.com