About men: They have to do something, but also need a burning bush experience

It is generally not easy for a man to simply do nothing. When they are still boys, even doing the wrong things beats doing nothing and as a result they are often in trouble. Look I know there are exceptions to every generalisation, but most guys I know, myself included, feel very uncomfortable with inaction.

If you wnat to see what I mean, watch what happens to men when they are out of work. Some climb the wall, some go right over the wall, others just slump against the wall in misery and a few, like Winston Churchill express their pain by building a new wall. Its a very tough thing for a guy, because rightly or wrongly he is conditioned by life to be a provider. It is tough to let go of that and look to God as our provider - most men will really battle to make that transition, even very spiritual men.

About men: They need to be heroes ... but who needs another hero?

Ever since my boys were small, there was a budding hero in their hearts. They took to guns and weapons of mass distraction, faster than I can write these words. They were up drainpipes, launching themselves down flights of stairs onto precarious mattresses or walking along the edge of nothingness or exploding stufft that the CIA might find less than amusing, before they even had teeth - thank you Lord that their teeth came later and that they each have a spare set, for they really need it.

To this day they both dream of changing the world and ridding it of all the baddies out there. Both had far more effective solutions for Iraq, Iran, Zimbabwe and other trouble spots of this earth, than the trillions of dollars the US spent in coming to a non-resolution.

About men: they are caught in a conflict of expectations, that point back to God

My family has been through a long season of struggle. After a series of life-class setbacks, the final blow came with the failure of a business and my inability to get reemployed. That resulted in the loss of our life savings and many other deep struggles. Well, such is life. God has been faithful anyway and He has always provided our daily bread. He has also used our experience to shape us to His will and to equip us for whatever lies ahead.

Yesterday my wife had an honest moment with me. Now that we are at the bottom of the barrel she questioned whether I was doing enough to address the crisis. The fact that I have faced countless disappointments, is besides the point, but as she expressed disappointment in me for failing to meet her needs, I in turn said, “I feel the same about God”.

About men: they have greater needs for identity

One of the greatest needs of men is directly linked to one of their greatest vulnerabilities: the toughest of men are all susceptible to their egos. As such a little woman can stand up to a big man and tear him down with words or rejections.

The Scots have the most unshakable accent in the world. I have met Scots that are more than 50 years removed from their homeland, but whose accents are as stubborn as ever. I once heard of a woman who applied for a job. A condition of employment was to lose the accent, which she did, thereby proving that it is possible to shake, even if it is undesirable to do so. That stubbornness is because their cultural identities (kilts, bagpipes, traditions, symbols, food) are so strong and vivid, which firmly anchors the Scots to their roots.

About men: The home shepherd

In a previous article I showed that Jacob, Abel, Moses, David and Abraham were all shepherds. They were not distinguished by their physical prowess or sweat capital. God despised those things that we so often associate with manhood: sweat, strength and initiative. He looked beyond those obvious externalities and sifted people to find men who could ably steward his kingdom.

God’s men all happened to have learnt about stewardship though shepherding. God used that to demonstrate the contrasts between them and the men he rejected in their favor. Thus Esau and Cain both leaned on their manly skills but failed to impress, whilst Jacob and Abel deferred to their pastoral skills to win the favor of God.

I have often heard men preach on “manliness” and have felt that in doing so they generally missed the point. Godly manhood certainly does not disdain strength (take Peter as an example). Rather it emphasizes pastoral values.

About wives: Our men must live in authority

Another male role is to anchor roles and be a backbone of authority in healthy, balanced families.

The need for authority is a tough and thorny subject to work through.

Let me start by bringing some balance. I believe women all over the world have been oppressed for far too long, yet they have so ably proved themselves in the workplace and in the life of the church. Many ministers will tell you that the backbone of their congregations comprises women and many bosses will tell of the competence of women employees. They are also more resilient, able to multi-task and blessed with a very real intuition that is vital to effective decision-making in politically tainted contexts. Solomon also recognized these virtues in Proverbs 31:10-31.

I have spoken in a separate context about the social order of the African Lion and shown how the females do most of the real stuff that keeps the pride going. They obviously bear and raise the next generation, but they also hunt for food, hold the pride together, train the younger lions and so on. The males don’t do as much, but their focus is vital to the sustainability of the pride.

The mark of a man

What does the bible reveal about the issue? Does a biblical man need to be big, hairy, strong, sweaty and manly? I don't think so. I won't refute than many biblical men were just that, but I cannot concede that it is either a prerequisite or a defining feature of biblical manhood.

I have met far too many big, mean guys who were also quite weak on matters of principle, decision making, leadership of their homes, defence of values or engagement of social issues - Indeed often brawn is a cover-up for other inadequacies. Yet I have seen many less impressive and often softer-spoken men take on giants, fight for the truth and engage issues of concern to the world around us, whilst still finding time to lead their families with integrity and passion.

Jim Collins, in his great book on good to great leadership, sifted through all the leaders of the America to arrive at just ten great leaders, all of whom were soft-spoken and self-deprecating, yet fiercely resolute.

We are always on dangerous ground when we stereotype people and that is no less true of male stereotypes. It would be as wrong for me to argue that a man should be big, hairy and brawny as it would be for me to exclude less physical or slighter men, purely on the basis of impressions.

So what are our biblical precedents?

Cain was a man of the earth, who bent his back to the hot sun, to sweat and toil every day. He was man's man, maybe, but when He tried to foist his manliness on God, he was rejected and found wanting. God found no delight in the fruit of his toils, no pleasure in the produce of the earth. Abel on the other hand was a pastoral man, given to the gentler pursuits of shepherding that which had been entrusted to him. His faithful stewardship enabled him to offer a better sacrifice to God and thus found God's approval, to the murderous chagrin of his foolish, weak-minded sibling.

Esau was another man's man. Hairy would be an understatement. His name alluded to his hairiness and he was red as well, not to mention strong, physical and given to manly pursuits like hunting. Yet he had no clue about his heritage and no inclination to fight for that heritage. He also felt he had a birthright to God's favor without any obligation to steward what would so be entrusted to him. God would have none of that. He had no inclination, as the Great Steward, to entrust a significant dynasty and all that it stood for, to a foolish airhead. Instead God turned to the lesser of the two brothers, the one that the men of that culture had maginalized in favor of beefy Eau. Jacob never dropped the ball. He too was a pastoral man, caring for what was entrusted to him as he also did with the great heritage that Isaac reluctantly ceded to him.

David, the greatest of all Jewish kings, was also a shepherd, of sheep and men. He was a man of poetry and music (he must have been gay??), an immensely courageous fighter, a deeply principled man and a faithful friend - up his love for Jonathon exceeded the love of woman, but it was a quintessentially manly relationship of a depth that I have rarely witnessed between real men.

So my definition of a man is that he should be pastoral first: caring for all that is entrusted to him, namely his own life, his family and the community. He should be a priestly intercessor of those in his care and he place such things above his own ego or selfish needs. He should fight for his constituencies and lay down his life if need be. The same man should be able to stand before God at the end of his life and give a noble account of all that was entrusted to him.

Therein is the mark of a real man.

(c) Peter Eleazar at www.bethelstone.com